I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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