dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
