i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
