why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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