yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like heaven, but drunker
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
