I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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