I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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