i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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