Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
