The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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