I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
