some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
