He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I deserve this hangover.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
