We won't sleep together?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
