Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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