the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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