Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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