My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize