Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
