shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
