Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
