pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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