i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
