Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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