Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
