I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
