I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
