Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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