So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
two words: eviction party
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
