do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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