how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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