like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
