make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
