I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
