Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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