So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
