you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
