I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
