We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize