dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
