so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
