you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
