I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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