Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I checked into jail on foursquare
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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