dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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