why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
