I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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