His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
