last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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