i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
