What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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