PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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