god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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