Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
