There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
