I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
