i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
