So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
