Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
