Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
