i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
