I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
