Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
