at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
