dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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