it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
