I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
