I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
