My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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