Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
