and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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