best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
